Ten things Thursday - the depressing version

I'm not fun to deal with right now, and while I doubt anyone reads this, I need to write it down. Hopefully it will make me feel better.

1. I've tried to wear the cpap for 2 nights now. On the first night, I tried for 3 hours to fall asleep but couldn't - it just felt like someone breathing hot stinky breath on my face.

2. Last night I actually fell asleep with it on (I re-washed everything, it helped with the weird smell) but woke up in the middle of the night having a nightmare that someone was strangling/suffocating me and I had to to take it off.

3. I am exhausted but I can't sleep. It's getting old.

4. In other news, I finally have my appointment with the surgeon to talk about/schedule the surgery. Good news, but it's in 2 weeks. Who knows when the surgery will be. sigh.

5. Like I've mentioned before, April 15 was the due date of our first baby (that we lost in Sept 2006 on my 30th bday). I am not doing well.

6. Everyone is pregnant. I also read tons of infertility blogs, but no one is infertile anymore. they all have a billion babies now.

7. and work...I'm a baby photographer, and right now I'm supposed to be editing newborn and "Mommy and Me" portrait sessions so I can get those to my clients. but I can't look at them without crying.

8. I've been pushing and pushing for more work so the hubby and I could get away this weekend (well, sun-wed) and it's looking like it's not happening.

9. Even with a free hotel room, and bringing our own food. Every blog I read seems like everyone has a gabillion dollars. All I do is work and pay bills, no trips, no clothes for us.

10. Envious, much?