Monday, April 30, 2012


Can I say, I'm slightly freaking out???!!!!

I was supposed to work today, but it got canceled due to rain, so at least I have some extra time to prep.

I'll be staying at my parents house for 3-4 days after - so I have to pack. I am just about done - yay for several days in my jammies!!!

The main thing I'm worried about is something going wrong. I almost wish I was staying overnight in the hospital, just in case. I'm also worried about pain, I tend to just have a low pain tolerance or weird nerves or something, but things that don't seem to hurt others are VERY painful for me (like, having my blood pressure taken is so painful I feel like screaming - maybe because of my huge arms?? :-D) I get super cranky and emotional while in pain and don't want to be whining to my family that I huuuuuuurrrrrrt. (I still have strong memories of the pain when I was hit by a car - I was only 13, but I never had any pain medication through the entire thing, and it was just...awful...I was quite the whiner then, and my parents still tease me for it - I don't mind, but I just think there was something that could have been done?)

I'm trying to decide on my low calorie, "light" but high in protein dinner. Suggestions? and please, no more chicken breast and salad!!! I can't take it anymore!

Saturday, April 28, 2012


So, when my Mommy had her band put in, the pain meds they gave her were liquid (like vic.odin or something, only liquid like cough syrup) but it tasted so bad she couldn't take it. barf. I smelled it. It was awful.

Anyway, I don't know how I will do on the pain (things hurt me that people say do not hurt - like the msra test yesterday, my nose still is killing me. I have weird nerves). I had to come up with a PLAN to make sure I might be able to get some pain meds in me, otherwise I would not be a happy camper.

So, I figured, they make Jell-o shots right? Well, I'll just make my shots with my pain meds. and Jell-o. I think it's genius. hahahahaha

Friday, April 27, 2012

Pre-Op and Hungry Hungry Hippo!

We had my Pre-op appointment today and my surgery is ready to go and paid for!

Here is the lovely, bright shiny hospital :

They did the basics, height, weight, blood draw, blood pressure...and a MSRA test, which is evil. WHY oh WHY didn't anyone warn me about this????? A sharp, huge q-tip stabbing my up my nose, into my brain. (I see why they have to do it, but DUDE! there has to be a better way. I still have a headache almost 7 hours later. This paper they gave to me AFTER the test. I disagree with what it says:

I am all set now - no pre-op diet! Just a "light, low calorie meal with protein the night before surgery" and no drink/food after midnight. 

Not one time have they mentioned the size of my liver - it seems like every other lap-bander blog I read, they had to do stuff to shrink the liver??? 
I didn't ask the surgeon. 

and even though I'm 35 years old (and a kid at heart) I decided that having
surgery means I get a new lovey - Meet "Hungry Hungry Hippo"

Aw, we are cute. I plan on snuggling her plenty and watching endless America's next top model and American Pickers episodes and maybe some Saved by the Bell 
and stuff (can you tell I don't have cable? I almost like being sick/recovering for the tv time I get at my parents house. It's sad.) 

I'm planning on bringing the ipod (Mom will be holding on to it during my surgery, but before/after) to take as many Insta-gram pix as possible to share on my FB profile - if you want to be my friend! 

or you could just look at them on Insta-gram - my name there is also lalaloses

Thursday, April 26, 2012

Ten Things Thursday! - the "OMG I AM having SURGERY" edition

1. Surgery on Tuesday is kind of blowing my mind. Like, whoa.

2. The Pre-op appointment is tomorrow. The surgeon didn't put me on a pre-op diet but now I'm thinking I might have to be on one for the weekend.

3. which sucks because we were invited to my friend's birthday b-b-q and I was looking forward to one.last.hotdog

4. Oh, speaking on "one last thing..." I've had a Big Mac. and pizza. and cookies. in the last 2 days. Whoops. and my parents took me out for Crab legs to celebrate. mmmmmmm...crab legs.

5. The weather here is the pits....just rain, rain and mooooooore raiiinnnnn.

6. We had the kid overnight, then my best friend came over with her kids...(all but the oldest, as he was at school). With all of them, we had 2 6 year olds, a 4 year old, 2 2 year olds, and a 6 month old at my house for 2 house. It was loud. (She has foster kids. and she's pregnant. I don't see how she does it.)

7. I held and snuggggggggled that baby the entire time. mmmmm baby snuggles.

8. I am madly trying to finish up all lose ends with work before Tuesday. The last thing I want during recovery is someone yelling at me because they want their pictures.

9. for a few days after recovery I am staying at mom's house....nice, comfy recliner in the basement. People serving me my liquid diet. all of the time in the world to read or play "Draw Something" ...endless episodes of America's Next Top Model on a big teevee....aaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!

10. My Father in law just dropped off like a billion boxes of new clothes for my husband to try on and see if he likes. Dude, I wish someone would do that for me!!!!

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

OMG! Surgery Scheduled!!!

Sooo, we met the surgeon today! and I'm Scheduled for NEXT TUESDAY! May FIRST!

I am soooooo excited!!!!!! and I have no pre-op diet other than to sticking to my regular eating plan and nothing after midnight on Tuesday (Monday).

Can I get a YIPPEEEEE!!!!???

Sunday, April 22, 2012


We were invited to swim at my parents house and to a BBQ today - my two favorite things, swimming and FOOD!

I think I got too much sun though, now I feel sick. but I came here to blog about the FOOD!

We had grilled chicken, potato salad and pickles. We also had shrimp cocktail for an appetizer and a daqauri after...dude, calories, right?

I had 5 shrimp with cocktail sauce
1 chicken leg
1 small serving of tater salad
2 pickle spears
1 mixed drink

and the sad thing is, I could have eaten WAY more. I thought back to a few years ago, I would have had

a least 2 pieces of chicken (usually a leg/thigh or leg/wing)
a large scoop of tater salad
10-15 shrimp with a cup of cocktail sauce
3-4 pickles
a hotdog
some kind of dessert - cookies or pie or something


. Mom (who has a band!) had 2 shrimp and a chicken leg. Then we came home and I started prowling around for food (I didn't eat anything, thank you very much. just water.)

sigh. I can't wait for the Hungry Monster to go away! They are so annoying!

Saturday, April 21, 2012


It's WARM! It's not FREEZING!!! YAY SPRINGTIME! (living in Idaho, we're mostly indoors (unless we're doing winter sports or something) from the End of Oct til May. April is being good to us!

We spent the day at a friend's Daughters birthday party (I tried to eat mostly fruit, but did have a tiny slice of sub sandwich (no mayo) and a cupcake. oh, and like 4 glasses of sugary (but oh so delish) punch. )

Then we came home and Daniel (Godson) and I took a walk to a nearby yard sale, then had a water balloon fight...that's exercise right??

Then I made a delicious chicken and spinach salad.

hahaha. Boring. But it was fun!

Friday, April 20, 2012

BYOC - Bring your own Crazy!

It’s Friday – so it’s time for BYOC – Bring Your Own Crazy! We answer 5 questions to get to know each other better and to give our blogging brains a break! Copy to your own blog and enjoy!

1. Do you have any siblings? What is your relationship with them? Good, bad, ugly?

I am an only child. My Mom had 5 miscarriages after me, one tubal pregnancy and a baby (my brother, but he was never named - I was only 3) that died at birth. My parents are guardians to two of my 2nd cousins, but I refer to them as my Godsons, not brothers.

2. Let’s talk pizza. Do you prefer homemade or restaurant? What toppings are your fave?

Mmmmm. Pizza. My mom makes the best pizza - with pepperoni and pineapple! Otherwise I have a weakness for Pizza Hut - Pepperoni, sausage and onions - on a pan crust!

3. When is the last time you cried – in sadness and in joy?

Cried for sadness? oh today. I stopped into a store to buy my friends baby a First birthday present (party is tomorrow) and ended up in the baby/toddler girls section for clothes. and found like, THE outfit. the one I would dress my kid in, if I had one. and it was on CLEARANCE! but I made myself put it back.

For joy? er. I can't remember when. I think when we bought our house last year.

4. Do you own a gun – one that is specifically yours? Do you know how to use it?

Nope, nope nope. No desire to ever own a gun. I might learn to shoot someday though.

5. Repeat question. Summarize your week!

Always crazy. Back to work after the time away. Time with the step-kiddo this weekend!

and freaking why is the text in blogger 500 different sizes?? I am not changing it!!

10 things Thursday ...on Friday.

1. How can it be thursday already?? GAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!

2. We had fun, sort of on our trip away. We spent too much and I ate too much. mmmm Casino Buffet. I did pretty good the rest of the time. I may have eaten some chips. okay, a lot of chips. they were delicious.

3. Note for people who play slot machines, don't ever pick up a ticket (now when you cash out from a slot machine, you get a ticket instead of coins) you find and keep it. Because casino security will FIND you and come to your hotel room while you're in the shower and ask for it back. True Story.

4. I'm not huge on gambling, but I love the themed machines. My favorite was a Ghostbusters one! It was all interactive with a huge movie screen, clips from the movie, and a vibrating chair. There was also a "The Hangover" game that was hysterical. and Zeus - my favorite slot machine of all time. Zeus is sexxxxy.

5. I also played Blackjack for the first time, with a "virtual' dealer on a huge screen in front of us. I messed up and hit the button to bet $20 (instead of $3) on the first hand...oops. I think proceeded to slightly freak out, as I only had $20 in the machine! but, we played the hand and I won $40! go me. They also send security over if you freak out in a casino. heh. I was not high on their list, me thinks.

6. On my "Period Tracker" on our trip - I saw this Heh. Right. I have the most out of whack cycles in the world. I am not fooled into thinking I'm pregnant. at all.

7. Seriously starving today. i have chicken breast and salad for dinner. scratch that, we caved and had mcdonalds. gaaahhhhh. Chicken for TOMORROW!

8. We have my stepson for the night. He spends his first few hours here screaming for his Mom (and he's 6, and he's been around my husband since he was a newborn and me since he was 3 months old. We are not strangers nor hurt him or do anything to him to cause this.

9. I totally think I deserve an award for putting up with that screaming. I could make anyone lose it.

10. I finally got it through to him (we usually ignore him when he's doing the screaming thing) that the screaming mommy DOES.NOT.WORK...EVER. I asked him "Do you think it works??" him "nooooo...." Me: Well why do you do it?" him..."MOMMY!!!" gah. But he did stop, and we went to dinner and then did some painting and made birdfeeders. I'm such a fun stepmom. heh.

Friday, April 13, 2012

Bring your own Crazy!

It’s Friday! ! That means it’s time for BYOC. Bring Your Own Crazy! We answer 5 questions in an effort to get to know each other better and to give our blogging brains a break! Copy to your own blog and enjoy!

1. Whether you’re a parent or not….what do you think the appropriate age is to talk to a child about “the birds and the bees”?

Since I don't have any kids, who knows. I don't want it to be like me though - I *AHEM* "learned" so much from school/friends that was SO out of whack. My Mom gave me a book on it when I was 10. I read it. Okay. I took Sex Ed. I think there would be a way to make everything sound natural and un-icky to any age, if they are asking questions. I obviously was NOT a question asker.

2. What’s the color scheme in your bedroom?

It doesn't have one yet. We've only lived here a short while, but the walls are bluey white. It will eventually have a seaside (un-cheesy!) theme. As it stands, We have a purple and green comforter on our bed and a cat tree in our room - classy!

3. What kind of shampoo and conditioner do you use on your hair?

Suave Rosemary and Mint. It smells purty.

4. And since it’s nearly summer time…do you paint your own toes, go some place for pedicures or not paint your toes at all? What’s your fave toe color?

If I can afford pedi's - I will get them every month in the summer, and I always do whacky colors. If I'm mainly wearing shoes and not sandals due the the weather, I do not paint them - I am lazy

5. Repeat question: Summarize your week!

Ups and Downs. It's been crazy!

Thursday, April 12, 2012

Ten things Thursday - the depressing version

I'm not fun to deal with right now, and while I doubt anyone reads this, I need to write it down. Hopefully it will make me feel better.

1. I've tried to wear the cpap for 2 nights now. On the first night, I tried for 3 hours to fall asleep but couldn't - it just felt like someone breathing hot stinky breath on my face.
2. Last night I actually fell asleep with it on (I re-washed everything, it helped with the weird smell) but woke up in the middle of the night having a nightmare that someone was strangling/suffocating me and I had to to take it off.
3. I am exhausted but I can't sleep. It's getting old.
4. In other news, I finally have my appointment with the surgeon to talk about/schedule the surgery. Good news, but it's in 2 weeks. Who knows when the surgery will be. sigh.
5. Like I've mentioned before, April 15 was the due date of our first baby (that we lost in Sept 2006 on my 30th bday). I am not doing well.
6. Everyone is pregnant. I also read tons of infertility blogs, but no one is infertile anymore. they all have a billion babies now.
7. and work...I'm a baby photographer, and right now I'm supposed to be editing newborn and "Mommy and Me" portrait sessions so I can get those to my clients. but I can't look at them without crying.
8. I've been pushing and pushing for more work so the hubby and I could get away this weekend (well, sun-wed) and it's looking like it's not happening.
9. Even with a free hotel room, and bringing our own food. Every blog I read seems like everyone has a gabillion dollars. All I do is work and pay bills, no trips, no clothes for us.
10. Envious, much?

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

This and That

  • I got my c-pap machine today! The lady at the medical supply store was an absolute angel. They are letting me borrow the machine for FREE plus trying to find one for me to keep (FREE!). We only had to pay for some o the mask parts and the tubing.
  • I had to try it on there and lie down - and dude, I was ready to go to sleep right then. It was soooo weird. I actually can't wait to try it out tonight!
  • In other news, my hubby and I are on a MAJOR spending freeze right now. I still want to go away for a few days around that certain date.
  • The GOOD news is that I found a voucher for each of us to get 1 night free at the local casino resort (well, not local, it's in Nevada, right on the border of Idaho. A few hundred miles away). PLUS extra nights are $20 each!
  • I know we only get these because we've gambled and eaten at their restaurants in the past, which we can't really afford to do much of this time.
  • BUT if we get to go (still iffy - I need people to pay me for sessions they've booked!) I'm bringing a cooler full of food, my blender (for protein shakes), the toaster (for hubby) and the Popcorn popper (it would just be easier if their was a microwave in the room, but alas, there is not)
  • How ghetto is that??!!! but I will do whatever I can to get away!
Toodles! I have to go to work now...meh

Wednesday, April 4, 2012

Last in line

That's how I always feel, like I've been made to go to the end of line. Like I always have to start over, or someone cuts in line.

In the last 4 days I've read about (on blogs or facebook) about endless pregnancy announcements. I must now know 20 pregnant people, plus people who I read their blogs. I am happy for them, really truly happy, but dude...

In the last few weeks, I've been put down by two family members - both said not so nice things about the only parties I've ever gotten to throw (We just moved into our house after 5 years in a 1 bedroom apt, where I couldn't have more than 1-2 guests at a time due to lack of parking). One told me that at the family Christmas party, that I made the potluck "too difficult" (I asked certain people to bring side dishes and some to bring desserts - is that difficult?) the other picked on the (themed- think wizards) birthday party I threw for my Godson this past week - saying she had seen better made decorations at a party SHE went to. I don't get it.

(this post is all over the place, sorry)

April 15 was the due date of our first child. On the first anniversary of this, I had another miscarriage. It's a day where I HAVE TO get away, and be away from people (Husband is acceptable). I prefer someone with no kids. We don't have the cash this year to go anywhere, and I can't stop crying about it.

Tuesday, April 3, 2012

Head Games

Let's play a round of my favorite game - let's call it


You see, after trying to get in to get weighed in for a WEEK, I finally got in today, and I am down 15lbs. The ORIGINAL amount I had to lose was...wait for it...14 lbs.

I say to the coordinator - so, I'm good, right? I just need to maintain now? She looks at my chart, plays with a calculator and says..oh...



I am not a happy camper. I want this DONE WITH.

She also hasn't heard from the sleep Doctor about my last sleep study (I spoke to his nurse a WEEK ago and gave her the coordinators name, email,fax and phone and WHAT she needed to tell her/fax to her - my results. ) - so now, we're more weeks out before we can schedule.

This is messed up!!!!!