Friday, February 24, 2012

How did I get here?

How did I end up at 280 lbs? My highest was 298 in 2009 ...

As a child, I didn't feel "big" until at least the 5th or 6th grade. I had a friend (a boy I actually crushed on and liked very much) who would call me "Chub-Chubs" all day, every single day. He wasn't mean (there was plenty of that from other boys) - I called him Toothpick.

At that time, it was the 80's and my Moms into Aerobics classes and eating tuna with fat-free mayo on low-cal crackers with a side of TAB. I had to eat this too - and hated it. I don't know why I was bigger than anyone else. We didn't have the sugary cereals, oreos and REAL SUGAR Kool-aid in our home EVER.

Anyway, I continued to always be the biggest friend - probably because in jr.high I would spend my allowance/baby sitting money on candy bars and full size bags of doritos from 7-11 on the way home from school and eat them at night in my room (I'd save the trash and throw it away at school or on the way to school)

I graduated Highschool at 190 lbs (oh, how I wish I was 190 lbs now!) - and started college. I didn't get a car until college, so I had never had freedom. I discovered the "freedom" of driving to McDonald's or Jack in the Box every single day for lunch and eating in my car. Oh, the days of getting a burger and JITB but the fries and Coke from McDonalds!

The fast food is still my biggest struggle. When I'm at my worst, and just want to get away from everything and be alone, I can still pop over to Micky D's, with my book (or iPad) - order my Big Mac, Large with a Diet Coke.I can drive to some corner of a parking lot - I can read and be in my own little world. I hate that it brings me comfort.....


  1. Food brings me comfort too. When I am stressed, happy, sad, angry or any sort of emotional food becomes my comfort...your not alone ((hugs))

  2. I'm seriously going to comment on every single post:) Every single thing you said in this blog I used to do. every single one. I do miss that garbage food, but it's just not worth it anymore. I'll be in your corner cheering you on through this!