Leap Day!

I'm not leaping, but I'm here.

I finally got a hold of the Dietitian that I've been calling for like 2 months. I've been leaving messages every single time I call...Grr. I called, said I don't know why they won't call me back but I'm trying to schedule a SURGERY here so PLEASE CALL ME BACK. 30 minutes later, she calls. hmmm.

After the giant 1200 calorie Chinese Buffet lunch yesterday, I woke up today all bleccchhh - and I had to work. I had some coffee and then a protein shake...then WHAM the OHMYGODINEEDFOOD Monster came. This Monster turns me into a complete KooKoo Bitch - my poor husband knows this. Of course, I didn't want salad, or non-fat yogurt or another shake. I WANT FOOOD! FEEEEED MEEE!

Sigh. I really hope the band strangles this monster!

(second) Birthday Lunch

(Warning: FOOD below haha)

The fam took me out as a surprise after weigh in and work (just a short work day today) - to a chinese buffet. Oh, fun! but I ate 1 plateful, and this is it:



Clockwise we have:

• Some sort of noodles/chow mein thing
• Sesame Chicken
• Lemon Shrimp/crab with veggies
• Crab rangoon
• 2 pieces California Roll
• Manapua - a steamed bun with chicken inside (DUDE love these)

I did the best I could logging it into mfp and it was around 1200 calories. Um. yikes. but it was delicious.

I am up to 12 lbs lost, just 3 lb left to go in the Pre-surgery weight loss.

and since I'm a crazy cat lady, here's a pic of my other cat Twila, begging for treats.

Second Birthday

(Warning: Graphic description of a accident below)

When I was 13 years old, I was walking to school on a foggy Southern California February Morning...I was happy, I loved my outfit for the day (red GUESS? mini skirt, red and white "crop" top, Jordache acid washed denim jacket...and white go-g0 boots. Man, I was stylin...)...I was excited that we were starting Gymnastics that day in Gym Class. Every day I walked to my friend Laura's house, met her, then we walked the rest of the way to school together. I always left early because then I could hang with her while she got ready for school, sometimes she'd curl my hair or help me with makeup.

The route to Laura's house was not actually the route my Mom wanted me to take to school, but I didn't tell her I was going this way. On February 28th, 1990, I was crossing Sawyer Avenue (a side street off a very busy street) when a white, Volkswagen Rabbit sped around the corner, and hit me.

The bumper hit me hard in the lower left leg...I flew up in the air, hit the windshield with my face (splitting the skin on my nose)...I ended up behind the car after she stopped.

I don't know if I was out (I remember the sensation of being hit, of rolling and rolling over) for long, but I woke up in the worst pain of my life, lying in the road. I could see the blood all over my jacket (which was the last gift my Grammy had given me before she died the year before). I could hear people shouting. Two girls from my school had been walking about 1/2 a block behind me and saw the whole thing, one stayed by me and one ran to the nearby 7-11 to have them call an ambulance. The one near me called to some construction workers across the street and they cane over, assured me I would be okay, and covered me with their coats. I still can remember their faces, so kind.

The lady who had hit me was standing next to her car, crying, and wailing "my caaar!!! MY CAR!" and I totally remember being pissed off about that. The cashier from 7-11 came out to see how I was and asked me my name, and my parents names. I was able to rattle off all of the info including my Mom's work phone #.

First the Firefighters came, and they were nice. The Paramedics came, and cut off my jacket (and I fought them, as hurt as I was) but they did it anyway. I was roughly taped to a board and loaded into the ambulance.

I had broken my leg badly in two places, and would need plastic surgery for fix my face. I was bruised from head to toe, with road rash. My Mom finally came, and the Doctor came in to tell us - when I was hit, I put my arms over my head. That fact and the fact that I was wearing a thick denim jacket saved my life. My Grammy was my Angel. That accident could have killed me, but I was alive.

There's more to this story, but every year, we celebrate my "Second Birthday" on February 28th. It's not a big deal, but I am happy to be alive.

Last Spring, I went back to my home town to visit a friend, and she snapped these photos of my at the accident site, something I wasn't able to do for 22 years. I got past it - it was a long road to feel right after that, and sometimes I blame my weight gain on this event...

(Warning: Graphic description of a accident below)

Adventures in Sleep

So as part of the Lap-Band process, I had to see a pulmonary/sleep doctor and see if we needed to do a sleep study. In January I had to spend a night with a home monitor to track my oxygen levels at night. It was not good - I stop breathing 75 times PER HOUR (um yikes!) We met him again to see what we had to do - either another home study (as the actual sleep studies are majorly expensive) or put me directly on a CPAP/breathing machine a night.

Yes, I'm tired (the doc can't believe I'm not more tired than I am) - I work hard. I do have a hard time falling asleep due to some past problems (more about that tomorrow)...but I DO NOT fall asleep while driving, or at the movies, or at the computer. I don't know if he thinks I'm lying or what. He said this lack of sleep can seriously mess up my metabolism (AHA!) and make it extremely difficult to lose weight. I'm waiting for his call back now...sigh

Update: Doc never called me back. and I'm spooked. Right after my appointment today, I checked Facebook to find that the younger sister of a very good online friend (of like 12 years) died in her sleep last night - she had recently seen a Doctor for sleep apnea. I was hoping maybe he would call and tell me what to do to help my sleep, because I am so scared of dying in my sleep.

The most stinging comment of all

It's a comment that has never been made to me, which is why it stings.

You see, I see many many many ladies over on MFP that complain "oh, people always say 'you have such a pretty face'!!!" (which means I guess that if they lost weight, they'd be a knockout)

Growing up I had a very close friend that we'll call Naomi. We were always together - and she was the only friend I ever had who was larger than I. (She weighed 190 in the 6th grade) My Mom, my Aunts, my Grandma's were always around her, and loved her - and they would say that "Oh, Naomi has SUCH a pretty face! ...if she'd just lose weight..."

Then of course, I would get upset. No one ever called me pretty. I was plain. (the first day I remember my parents telling me I was beautiful was my wedding day) I could NEVER understand why people BITCH so much - they HAD THE PRETTY FACE!!!! At least you have that going for you. I had big, plain, and awkward (and weird, but I'm proud of the weird!)

Just once, I want someone to tell me I'm pretty (a STRANGER maybe - if I bring this up with anyone else, it sounds like I'm begging for compliments).

(whoa, issues..down girl)

Once more thing - Facebook...I have a friend (online friend) that is in the same business as me. She is sweet and very talented, and extremely beautiful. She posts random self portraits (just from her phone usually) of herself weekly on FB. and I finally had to hide her after each photo was getting 20-30 "ZOMG! YOU ARE SOOOO BEAUTIFULLLLLLL GEEEE WHIIIZZZZ~!" comments on it, several from people I know. meh.

Source: myfitnesspal.com via Lauren on Pinterest

Insta-Friday - Week 1 (a little late)

Yay I can do blog meme's now!

We just bought our house late last summer, and haven't gotten much of a chance to walk around our neighborhood until this week. We have made many "errr someone needs to trim their bush" comments this week. ha!

When not walking around our neighborhood, we hit the mall to do some laps. I think the mannequins at Forever 21 are feeling a little gassy.

One of our two cats - this is Wednesday. She likes to sleep in my hoodie....while I'm wearing it.

I was super proud of myself for cleaning out the fridge! soooo healthy! (I do have a coffee creamer problem....)

Recipe - Lala's Meatloaf

mmmmm Meatloaf. My Mom makes the best meatloaf, but after looking at her recipe, I knew I wanted something with no bread or cracker crumbs in it. This meatloaf is not as "firm" but it's yummy. It also is great cold the next day, I like to dip it in Hot Sweet Mustard (I would prefer a sandwich, but I am trying to cut out bread)

Pre-Heat Oven to 350

Incredients
1 "tube" ground turkey. I buy mine at Walmart
1/2 onion, chopped/minced
1 spoonful chopped garlic - I buy in it a jar, sue me.
Parsley flakes/salt/pepper/any herbs you like - rosemary is yummy in this!
1 Squirt of ketchup (this makes it taste more "meatloaf-y" to me, but you could probably omit it)
1/8 cup egg whites like Egg Beaters (I use Great Value. you could also use an egg)

Mix together well in a large bowl. I spray a oval shaped corning ware with Pam and pour it in, then I "shape" it into an oval loaf with a wooden spoon, leaving a space all around. I sometimes squirt some ketchup on top in a swirl.

Back 50-60 min, covered with foil at 350. There will be lots of "juices" around the edges, don't be alarmed! I "slice" mine with a large slotted spoon.

I will take photos next time!

Makes 6 servings. When I put it into MyFitnessPal it said 197 calories per serving.

No more lazy-pants Lala

Can I blame the internet for making me wanna spend all my time in my super computer chair...sigh

I do like to exercise in a sense...

• I love to go for walks (especially if there is something to see - a nature walk? sign me up!)
• I love Nordic Skiing but it's been a long time
• We went Snowshowing last winter and I loved it
• WII DANCING - is my favorite. I'm a pretty bad dancer in reality, and maybe even when I play the game on the wii, but I love to win!

Today I forced the husband and my Godson D (he usually spends the weekend with us if I'm not working, he's almost 9) to go for a walk to the park near our house - it was freezing, and windy, but we made it. Hubby and I walked laps (with cat in cat stroller, of course!) around the playground for 30 minutes until we all got too cold to deal with it anymore.

I'm trying to get my stamina for walking up - we're going to Disney in July, and while I always get what I call "DisneyLandLegs" at theme parks (I never feel tired until it's time to leave) I want to not be so exhausted at the end of the day. 

How did I get here?

How did I end up at 280 lbs? My highest was 298 in 2009 ...

As a child, I didn't feel "big" until at least the 5th or 6th grade. I had a friend (a boy I actually crushed on and liked very much) who would call me "Chub-Chubs" all day, every single day. He wasn't mean (there was plenty of that from other boys) - I called him Toothpick.

At that time, it was the 80's and my Moms into Aerobics classes and eating tuna with fat-free mayo on low-cal crackers with a side of TAB. I had to eat this too - and hated it. I don't know why I was bigger than anyone else. We didn't have the sugary cereals, oreos and REAL SUGAR Kool-aid in our home EVER.

Anyway, I continued to always be the biggest friend - probably because in jr.high I would spend my allowance/baby sitting money on candy bars and full size bags of doritos from 7-11 on the way home from school and eat them at night in my room (I'd save the trash and throw it away at school or on the way to school)

I graduated Highschool at 190 lbs (oh, how I wish I was 190 lbs now!) - and started college. I didn't get a car until college, so I had never had freedom. I discovered the "freedom" of driving to McDonald's or Jack in the Box every single day for lunch and eating in my car. Oh, the days of getting a burger and JITB but the fries and Coke from McDonalds!

The fast food is still my biggest struggle. When I'm at my worst, and just want to get away from everything and be alone, I can still pop over to Micky D's, with my book (or iPad) - order my Big Mac, Large with a Diet Coke.I can drive to some corner of a parking lot - I can read and be in my own little world. I hate that it brings me comfort.....

Things I'm looking forward to - Shopping Edition

• being able to go shopping - my clothes are all from Wal-Mart, a few pieces from Target, and some random Concert Tee's. I have spring/summer 4 dresses from Ross/Marshalls - 2 fit, 2 don't 
• Being able to find theme (Concert shirts for concerts, pop culture shirts like Twilight etc) shirts WITHOUT having to ask first "What is the BIGGEST size you have?" because if they do have a shirt in my size, it's usually a man's shirt, and not the cute one I want. I recently went into Hot Topic to find a Hunger Games shirt and the biggest size was an XL - meaning medium in Hot Topic Speak.
• Looking good in tanks or cap sleeve shirts - It's hard to find regular sleeves or 3/4 sleeves anymore.
• An actual cute bathing suit that doesn't look like a Grandma Suit that I wear a shirt over anyway Like this (Does anyone know how to get the "embed in blog" thing from Pinterest to work??) 

• My Goal dress - something flirty and Pin-up-y - only in red..like this

I'm ready for my close up! (and giveaway entry)

I'm a photographer, so a pic! (just a crappy instragram from the iTouch, but it works - my husband is NOT a photographer, so this is just easier than making him use my huge work camera)

Me, February 2012 - 268lbs - with my kitten Wednesday in her stroller (why yes, I AM a crazy cat lady. I don't have a baby, so I push around my cats. haha)

My dear friend Jen sent me the iTouch (with camera) so I could use it to scan barcodes on food and enter them into MyFitnessPal - wasn't that sweet??? I also love that I can take photos everywhere I go AND log my food!!!

I really want to win this giveaway at The World According to Eggface - SO many goodies! Please pick me!

Introduction and all that Jazz

Hiiiii!

I'm Lala and I like to eat. I like to eat TOO MUCH. At 35 years old I found myself at 280 lbs (my highest in 2009 was 298) , tired, hungry all of the time, and unable to do the one thing I want more than anything - have a baby.

I am going through the Steps to have Lap-Band Surgery (you can read more about the surgery here) in Spring of 2012. Here are the things I  need to do/still need to get done

• Meet with Primary Care Doctor to talk about surgery and get a recommendation letter for the surgery - Done, Jan 2012
• Have blood work done - Done, Jan 2012 (I am severely anemic - currently on two iron pills a day - more on that later)
• Meet with Pulmonary Specialist/Sleep Doctor - Done, Jan 2012 (I have severe sleep apnea, I had wear a home sleep monitor overnight, I stop breathing 75 plus times an hour - yikes!!!!)
• Have a Psychological Evaluation - Done, Feb 2012 (this was yesterday, and it was strange, but I passed)
• Still to do: Have  Sleep Study - I meet with the Dr on Monday to schedule this. Meet with a Dietitian (She won't call me back!!!)
• Lose 5% of my Body Weight - which was 14 lbs. I've lost 11.
• Schedule Surgery  (can't do until all of this other stuff is done!)

If you are reading this and want to be my friend on Facebook, my profile is here or  on MyFitnessPal. 

Hopefully later I will have the time to write more - I really need this blog! 

First Post and Blogger is Stupid

uhhhh when did blogger get so whacked? can I please have the old blogger back pleeeeeeeeeeaase.