I'm so so so thrilled for my friend and her new baby (I got to see him last night! and hold him!)
All day long I've had this pain in my heart. and a weight on my shoulders.
Yesterday I brought snacks and soda and baby presents to my friend.
Today I had signed up to bring a meal to one of my clients who just had a baby (She belongs to the playgroup that I take portraits for and they had a sign up website for the "new baby" meals)
Both of these lovely, awesome, sweet, amazing ladies (Mothers!) have 4 children now.
Both are younger than me.
One, I know has lost several babies. I've been with her through most (some happened before I met her)
I have no idea about the other lady - if she had any struggles getting pregnant (and it's not my business)
but I spend so much of my time wondering what it's like.
If I'll ever have that.
All I want is 1. One Kid. I won't be greedy (not saying people with more than 1 are, of course, but I am pretty sure I would be satisfied with 1 of my own)
I can't join "Mom" groups (as you have to bring your kids to the playdates, and I never EVER have my stepson on the dates they meet)
It's like when I was in High School (ha! even now) I would sit somewhere, or lie down and wonder what it was like to be pretty.
It sounded pretty freaking awesome to me.
I have a friend from HS that was very pretty, and she had done some modeling. (She is awesome, and a great friend too!)
Once she complained about getting attention for her looks.
about being PRETTY?
Of course, I have no idea what it's like.
Just like people who have kids. Who have had no trouble having them.
How can they know what it's like for me?
So, now I dwell on TWO things : Unpretty and Barren (and fat. but working on that. I can't fix the other two)