Silent

For several days I've felt like I have to be silent.

That I couldn't share things on MY blog, just because someone I know is reading.

You see, this was Bullying Week - and I felt like a adult woman, a former friend was bullying me via Facebook messages.

That's a story (one I'm not sure I'll write about here) for another time though.

I don't have a ton a friends. I've never been the life of the party - but, when I DO make a friend, a GOOD friend, we are usually friends for quite a while. There are only 2 friends in my past that are no longer.

I don't lie to my friends.
I don't make up stories so they will feel sorry for me.
I don't put them down - or their spouse (even when I think their choice of husband is an complete asshole)
I would do anything I could to help them within my power if they need help.
I will always listen.
I will always tell the truth.

However - I don't always THINK before the truth - what I'm feeling - comes out of my mouth.

I had a friend, that I knew since Early elementary school. We were friends even when we lived in different states - letters, phone calls, and online chats. We drove and flew to be with each other. And while we both did things that drove the other absolutely crazy - we could laugh about it.

Once this friend - I'll call her Olive - started having kids (when we were 25) - our relationship changed. She became very "crunchy" (and not a bad thing at all, but she was). She became a very fierce MamaBear.

I loved her kids - they were awesome, and even had a special name they made up just for me (that I loved - I felt like a special Auntie)

Four years ago - Olive asked me to come visit her and teach her about photography. I had started my business a few years before. I didn't have the money to come - so her husband bought me a ticket, and I flew to their state for a 10 day trip to teach her and hang out.

The first 2 days were fun - we ran around and saw things. I played with the kids.
On the 3 rd day - it turned into - oh, watch the baby while I take Kid #1 to school. then I have all of these errands to run. Lather, rinse, repeat. For 5 days. I played with her kids constantly, watched them, fed them snacks and basically acted like a Nanny. We did no photography nor went anywhere. To me, she never played with her kids - just on the computer.

At this time, I was getting mad. I wanted to say to her - what the hell is this? but I couldn't get the words out. I was so frustrated, that I went to the room I was staying in to cry. She came to ask what was wrong/going on - and I said it. Exactly what was on my mind - that she ignores her kids etc etc and I wasn't there to be a babysitter! We had words. It wasn't pretty.

She then tells me I'm kicked out and I have to leave. I have basically 10 min to pack, and get my butt out of there - I have no car, and no where to stay in a city I know nothing about.

(It was a nightmare getting home but not going to write that part out)

When I got home I emailed her and asked if we could work this out - she said no - and her husband wrote to me and said the same thing. I have not tried to contact her or anything since, although I would like to talk to her about it.

Sigh.

So, person who is reading this that I would rather stay out of my business:

I feel harassed. I feel bothered. I feel like I shouldn't have to say to someone - OVER AND OVER again that I do not want to be friends. I do not have to list reasons why - even though I COULD.

 I have no desire to be your friend. I feel lied to and that doesn't sit well with me. Do not contact me, do not message me, do not email me - I am done. I wish you the best but leave me alone - I mean it.

You have plenty of other friends - go lie to them. Even better, tell them that it hurts you if they stay my friend - they can have you.

To everyone else: I do not know the future of this blog and it makes me sad. If you are one of my blog friends and still want to keep up with me, please comment or email me and I'll send you an update. Thank you for reading.

Anonymous

I didn't try to make this blog anonymous. I should have. Now, I know someone who I would PREFER NOT READ THIS BLOG - is reading it and has probably read it all. I didn't take pains to hide it but I didn't cover my tracks as I should have. I was careless. So, that's the reason why I haven't been blogging. I haven't lost any weight anyway. I'm in a bad mood because 500 bazillion of my facebo.ok "friends" are posting little blurbs like this on their walls "The next time someone says

"Oh, you're JUST a stay at home mom" I may punch you in the face. Being a mom, is far more difficult and challenging than any job you could ever have. We don't get breaks or weekends or holidays off. We don't get the luxury of sleeping all through the night or sleeping in. Instead, we get late nights and early mornings. We now have family nights instead of date night. We wipe noses, get puked on, change diapers, try the potty training, do play time, deal with temper tantrums, and as soon as nap time hits ... we turn around scrub the bathrooms, pick up the floor , do the dishes, and work on that never ending pile of laundry. So the next time someone wants to say "you're just a stay at home mom" you are more than welcome to fill my position for a day!!"

 Just a Stay at home Mom? Right. My Mom was a single Mom who worked 60 hours a week to support us(If I was not at school, I was with my Grandma) then came home and DID EVERY FREAKING THING THAT "STAY AT HOME" Mom's do when she got home. She also ran a business (a craft store) with my Aunts and Grandma on the weekends. She did not get the luxury EVER of sleeping in - not because I would get up early (I loved sleep too much as a kid!) because she had to support her family.

 And you know what? I'm just an infertile who would give anything to be a "Stay at home Mom". Difficult and challenging? BRING. IT. ON. I don't currently get weekends off anyway, because I have to WORK. On Holidays I'm still working on the computer, trying to bring in Money to pay our bills. and on Holidays I'm crying inside because I DON'T GET TO BE A STAY AT HOME MOM. Dude. Squeeze those babies, love them, and shut the fuck up that oh wah, you have to change some diapers and wipe some noses and do the THINGS EVERYONE ELSE HAS TO DO ANYWAY WHETHER THEY HAVE KIDS OR NOT. Family night means YOU HAVE A FAMILY. You procreated! YAY!