Tattoo, Cat and Birthday

Well, My Birthday wasn't THAT bad - We had lots of time with my Sister in Law (who was visiting from out of state) - We ate out WAY too much (yum! but of course, I can't eat much). I got a new sewing machine from my parents, DVD's and Gift cards from my hubby, and money from my Father in law. Which I used to buy..this...

 Ha! I wasn't expecting to get a tattoo - I've wanted one for years and years but could not decide on anything. My Sis made the appointment, and last Friday she got SIX (yes, SIX!!!) tattoos, and I got this little dude on my ankle. and of course, it had to mean something to me, and everyone is asking WHAT a pumpkin means to me - so, the list. because I'm weird.

 1. I love Halloween (duh)
2. I got married on Halloween (double duh)
 3. It's a Jack Skellington face from Nightmare before Christmas - which I love! 4. It's a happy face to remind me to be happy
5. The two leaves are for my two babies
6. It's on my right side which is my "pain" side - all of my ovarian cysts are hurty on that side. When I'm in pain, I can look at it and think of something else It really didn't hurt as bad as I thought it would. It felt like a bee sting. I'm no stranger to pain, anyway.

 We also went to a wedding for my husband's cousin - I'm hoping some photos surface of me because I looked cute in my dress!

 and I finally got time to photograph my new kitty - Binx! (although, I call her Binky - poor cat)

Grr

My Fill started working - hurray!

Rest of my life? not hurray.

I'm always in a pissy mood.

I feel like going to some peoples jobs and asking them to do it for free, or give me free product, just because. It sounds FUN!!
(Can you tell that I've had some problems with this recently??)

Tomorrow is my Birthday. A few weeks ago, I had received some money from my parents (which was actually from Christmas, long story) that I was going to use to buy a new lens for my camera (which I need, badly). Bills came up and surprise, surprise, I had to use that money to pay...Child Support.

For the kid that's not mine and that we don't get to see. Right.

I knew what my husband had been planning on getting me for my birthday and was excited for it. We were at the store anyway and he asked if we could just get it then - fine. Then he says he needs more phone minutes (pay as you go phone) because he has to use his cell at work sometimes. Well, wouldn't you know that the phone min were the same price as my gift and I had to tell the cashier to take it off (because I wasn't expecting the expense of the phone card, we didn't have enough money to buy the gift)

sigh.

I hate my birthday.

Ten Things Thursday

1. Dude. I had a fill on Monday, after starving for a month (because I didn't get a fill in August and I didn't lose ANYTHING last month). The nurse would only give me 1/2 a CC. Why? because someone else got a full CC and they had problems with reflux. um. that person is not ME.

2. So guess what? still starvin' marvin. I don't even think they gave me a fill. I think my band is leaky or something.

3. I also have a visitor aka Aunt Flo and TOM or whatever you want to call this evil bitch. I spend the month with ovarian cyst pain, then for 5-6 days I get cramps that make me want to kill someone. Fun times.

4. HANGRY - is my favorite word. It's a combo of Hungry and Angry. Which is how I feel right now.

5. I love love love loooove my job. but people should not book photo sessions or make orders of photographs without paying their INVOICES!!! I call this "Invoice Hell". I get it, it's not payday. But when you are on a payment schedule (I have lay-a-way) and your payment is due on the 5th, you need to pay it on the 5th. because that's MY payday. If everyone who owes me money would pay me, I could pay off every bill I have, right now.

6. Back to food - oh man...I love food. but now I'm hungry (HANGRY!!) but things get stuck. Like...yogurt. strangeness.

7. I have discovered that I CAN eat french fries if I use huge amounts of ketchup. This is not a good thing. It IS a good thing that I prefer french fries dry/plain though, because then I don't each them.

8. My Sister in law is coming to visit! I am excited to see her. She's awesome. I am not excited that I have to clean my house. She might stay here for a day or two. which means I need to come up with a guest room. haha.

9. I am addicted to Peach Green tea from the Gas Station. 80oz of sugar free peachy goodness? YES PLEASE!!

10. The biggest news of this week is...we found a kitten under our car on Monday morning and I guess we're keeping her. We have put up posters and looked for her owner, but no luck. I will post some photos of her later! Her name is Binx!

Pain and Panic

(Does anyone remember these little guys? I have little figures of them somewhere in my piles of hoarded crap)

So. Hi.

Lala is not doing well. Other than I've spent this month STARVING TO DEATH (because I didn't get the stupid fill) - I've just been depressed.

I've received many blessings, but selfish old me can't help thinking - I don't want THIS! I want THAT!!! DUDE!

(Infertility rant beginning)

All of the lovely people are know are BIRTHING! They are AMAZING strong women! YAY for them!!

You see, I cannot count how many people I've heard whine (like myself, that they weren't pregnant yet) who were like...20 years old. Oh please. Give me a freaking break.

I once worked with a girl who got married at 18, and at almost 21 she hadn't gotten pregnant yet, and would sit in the back room at work, SOBBING about it. I tried to be sympathetic, I mean, I wanted children badly myself (at the time, I was 29, and unmarried, no boyfriend) so I would try to console her and be her friend.

After about, oh a year of this, I was done. I said to her - look - you're married to a great guy with a job, and medical insurance, you have a good job and insurance - you're only 21. Go to the Dr and see what's wrong and QUIT YER BITCHIN'!!!!!

(The insurance thing gets me every time, I just can't afford it)

Oh, within..3 months she was pregnant..and she has 3 kids now. The oldest just started first grade.

and I'm here, almost 36. No babies.

Again I feel like I know nothing because I've never given birth or had someone call me "Mom". Friends with kids are hard to hang out with, because it seems no one can hire a babysitter anymore. Friends with kids don't always invite ME places because I have...no kids. I can't do to "Mom's Night Out".

People with no kids? Well, (except for US) have TOO MANY friends already and are too busy to hang out.

I COULD NOT POSSIBLY know anything about newborn babies or kids! I mean - dude, don't you know that if you aren't a Mom yourself, you are SO DUMB!

I'm having panic attacks about everything.

I'm having constant pain from my ovarian cysts and I can't do anything about it. (Dr says, either have a hysterectomy or deal with it. I can't go to the Dr. for pain medication because then they treat you like a druggie.)

(Also mad because someone else I know gave birth this week, and used THE NAME that I've loved since I was 10 years old. I was holding on to it, but whatever. It's like that name is dead to me now and I'm sad. Which is soooo stupid!!! oh well)

Another Progress Pic and BRA RANT!

So, we did a vendor table for my biz at a local mom's group a few weeks ago. This photo of me (and Hubby and Godson) was on FB and I just randomly found it (taken by a stranger!)

Anyway, I noticed the shirt I was wearing. I looked through some old pix on FB of a trip I took to visit a friend in April 2011, and there I was, wearing the same top.

I must have been around 295 there - I'm guessing....

Can you see a difference? (50 lbs?? I weigh 245 now!)



So, anyway, today we happened to be near the outlet mall (we NEVER go there, so it was an OCCASION!) They have a store that sells only bras/undies so I went there to find a sports bra.

I've been hating doing cardio at home because my boobies like to do a little (painful) dance. bleck. I haven't been able to find a sports bra in larger than a size L/XL (which looks like, an extra small) anywhere. I bought bras there in Feb of 11 that I am STILL wearing,they used to be on the last hook/loosest straps, but they are now adjusted as tight as they will go, AND I took in the sides on the sewing machine like an inch on each side. These bras are all 46 D/DD. She measures me today and says I'm...a 50 DDD? WHATTTT???

Seriously...WHHHHATTTT???? How could I be BIGGER???????

and they didn't have any sports bras in that size, anyway. The biggest was a 44 D - which she tried to get me to buy anyway. It had UNDERWIRE. um ow. I don't want to exercise in that!! and they were $40 each. Right. I'm going to pay $40 for a too small, uncomfortable sports bra.

Help? Where can I find one to fit?? I can't afford more than $20 for a bra. Any more than that and it'd better...I don't know...come with a cabana boy?? WAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH

33 lbs? Why...YES! I did it!

So, I have been a bad blogger and totally missing - we went to Disney and stuff and now I'm trying to get my life back together. It's crazy.

BUT - I've lost TEN POUNDS since my last Progress photo and here it is!



I had a difficult time coaching the husby this time on how to take the photo - so I really don't like it (Neither us noticed that my sleeves are all whacked out, oh well.)

and to see the progress (I don't see much though) - here is a composite of today's photo and the one from May



So, my girls seem to have gotten "perkier" - which is cool. I'm wearing the same bra anyway. The jeans are definitely looser in the waist and in the butt (still super tight in the legs/thighs though) The shirt still feels super tight to me.

Yay Lap-band.

(and here is a NSV - I bought my husband Sushi and I had...1 piece. and I was full. The End)

The Search

One of the things I hate is that I can't never (or hardly ever) find clothes to fit me. Forget needing something specific, because I just won't find it. I pretty much find all of my clothes at Walmart and the thrift store (and I HATE IT).

I can't afford to shop online or at Lane Bryant. I hate looking like a slob all of the time because my clothes are ill fitting.

Anyway, I needed a disney themed shirt to wear on our trip - could I find one?

NOPE!

It took a week of looking at every store in town that sells Plus size clothes before I found a shirt at Fashion Bug - and it was about 3 times more than I wanted to spend. (I just found out that Fashion Bug is owned by Lane Bryant. heh)

sigh. I can't wait to go shopping at a regular store. dammit.